getting married...

i know i had talk about this before in my other blog but this time, it really, really bugs me....

thing is, my boyfriend, putra had told me yesterday that he is planning on meeting my family and proposed to me. and we should get married as soon as possible. most people would probably be excited and couldn't wait for the big day to happen. but, it's the other way around for me. 

i'm getting cold feet. i mean, i am extremely happy with the way i am now. no strings attached and i get to spend my whole day just being with myself. to think that i have to share my life with someone else and took care of his needs send shivers down to my spine.

i mean, come on. yes, i love you but that don't mean we have to get married, rite?? that doesn't rite, is it??

argh..!!!how do i say it to him without hurting his feeling?? i just don't think the role of a housewife fits me. i'm not someone who follows the rule, i'm the one who breaks them. i don't like to be controlled, by anything or anybody. not even social boundaries. yikes, i hate that. like, as a woman i'm not supposed to this or that. and to behave like this or that, otherwise, people would look down on you. hell, like i care. 

i live by my own rule. i don't like social boundaries, like i said earlier. whenever there is boundaries, we cannot live the way we wanted to. i wanted to have a smoke whenever i want, i wanted to have a drink whenever i feels like and do whatever i want without any interference.

ah, how nice it is to live in europe. no restriction on how i'm supposed to live or behave. even if i wanted to paint my nails black, have a puff in public or even to wear a simple top should not be a problem to the society. but, what to do? i'm stuck here in Malaysia, supposedly a Moslem country.

see, now i'm drifting away from the main subject. the point is, i don't want to be married where i could be under the order of someone else besides me. i want to rule my life, not by a man called husband. damn!!!

now, i'm going to have sleepless night thinking of a way to escape from getting married...fuck!!!