numb.

can't help but feeling nothing. nothing to accomplish. nothing to think. nothing to do. worse yet, nothing to live for. once in a while this kind of feeling will creep back into me, driving me mad with uncertainties and felt like the future is too bleak. i try to maintain my sanity by ignoring this feeling but eventually, it will always overcome me and take control of everything. i guess my depression will never be cured.

i really don't feel like doing anything. i don't even want to wake up. i just want to curl up in my bed, whole day long doing nothing. i don't want to go to work. i don't want to go anywhere. i just feel nothing. i don't know how to describe what i felt right now. i don't know how to put it in words; these feeling of nothingness is too overwhelmed.

faking a smile in front of other people would be easy. but to trick my heart into thinking that i'm okay would be too hard. most normal people would never understand what it felt like being in depression. i felt like dying every single minute and yet, people laugh saying i'm crazy to feel that way. 

i don't want to meet people right now. i just want to hide in my room, under my blanket in the dark, alone; where time stops ticking, where everything is quiet & i'll be in my own world.

i'm tired. i don't know where i'm going. i don't know what i'll do. and i'm scared. scared of being too brave one day. brave enough to end my life. 

life.....will there be life for me i wonder.....